In the fall of my senior year at Calvin College, I noticed posters around campus advertising a lecture entitled, “Homosexuality, Homophobia, and Healing.” I attended and for the first time in my life heard someone—someone who was a Christian professor and author—speak about gay people in ways that were thoughtful and compassionate. For example, the speaker told about famous and revered people in history who were gay. She recounted that the psychological profession had taken homosexuality off its list of mental disorders in 1973. And what was most shocking to me, she reported that there were sincere Christian scholars who were arriving at the conclusion that the church had been interpreting the Bible incorrectly with regard to gay people and that there should be a place in the Christian community for faithful, loving same-sex couples.
This speech shook my world. I had never heard such things before or even considered them possible. As the shock subsided I found that I was experiencing a mixture of skepticism and hope. On the one hand, the speaker’s approach was completely new to me, and I am by nature very cautious and respectful of the teachings of the church. On the other hand, I found the message incredibly life-giving. So I began to feel a tiny but powerful sense of relief from my anxiety and depression. I thought, “Maybe I don’t have to hate myself after all! Maybe there is a place for me in the church and in the world!”
The next fall, in 1979, I began my studies at Calvin Seminary. Seminary turned out to be a time of tremendous growth for me both personally and educationally. By the time I graduated I had come to peace with myself and with God, and I felt ready to begin my career as a pastor.
So what happened in seminary that was so trans-formative? First, I continued to be active in the households and church of Christ’s Community, and the church elected me as a deacon and then an elder, with most of the members knowing that I’m gay. That helped me feel that there really was a place for me in the Christian community.
Second, I started meeting other people who were gay. I had been afraid to do so because I had learned that gay people were supposedly strange, disgusting, and perverse. I just thought I was an exception! But when I actually met others who were gay, I was surprised to discover that they were . . . just normal people. If anything, the gay people I met were unusually nice. So this also helped me feel better about myself.
In my blog post next Monday I will tell about the healing I experienced through psychotherapy while in seminary.
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