In the fall of my senior year at Calvin College, I noticed posters around campus advertising a lecture entitled, “Homosexuality, Homophobia, and Healing.”  I attended and for the first time in my life heard someone—someone who was a Christian professor and author—speak about gay people in ways that were thoughtful and compassionate.  For example, the speaker told about famous and revered people in history who were gay.  She recounted that the psychological profession had taken homosexuality off its list of mental disorders in 1973.  And what was most shocking to me, she reported that there were sincere Christian scholars who were arriving at the conclusion that the church had been interpreting the Bible incorrectly with regard to gay people and that there should be a place in the Christian community for faithful, loving same-sex couples.

This speech shook my world.  I had never heard such things before or even considered them possible.  As the shock subsided I found that I was experiencing a mixture of skepticism and hope.  On the one hand, the speaker’s approach was completely new to me, and I am by nature very cautious and respectful of the teachings of the church.  On the other hand, I found the message incredibly life-giving.  So I began to feel a tiny but powerful sense of relief from my anxiety and depression.  I thought, “Maybe I don’t have to hate myself after all!  Maybe there is a place for me in the church and in the world!”

The next fall, in 1979, I began my studies at Calvin Seminary.  Seminary turned out to be a time of tremendous growth for me both personally and educationally.  By the time I graduated I had come to peace with myself and with God, and I felt ready to begin my career as a pastor.

So what happened in seminary that was so trans-formative?  First, I continued to be active in the households and church of Christ’s Community, and the church elected me as a deacon and then an elder, with most of the members knowing that I’m gay.  That helped me feel that there really was a place for me in the Christian community.

Second, I started meeting other people who were gay.  I had been afraid to do so because I had learned that gay people were supposedly strange, disgusting, and perverse.  I just thought I was an exception!   But when I actually met others who were gay, I was surprised to discover that they were . . . just normal people.  If anything, the gay people I met were unusually nice.  So this also helped me feel better about myself.

In my blog post next Monday I will tell about the healing I experienced through psychotherapy while in seminary.

My faith was always important as I was growing up, and during high school I became excited about following Jesus.  I made profession of faith in church when I was 16, I was active in prayer meetings and Bible studies, I was elected president of our church’s high school youth group, and I started thinking about becoming a pastor.  So it seemed natural that soon after starting Calvin College in 1972 I joined the pre-seminary program.

It was early in my time at Calvin College, however, that I started becoming honest with myself about the fact that I felt romantically attracted to other guys.  I experienced this realization as deeply troubling.  I literally thought it was the worst thing that could be true of me because that was the perspective I had learned from the entire culture around me.

What was I going to do?  For years I didn’t dare tell anyone about what I was experiencing for fear of being scorned and rejected.  I felt ashamed and isolated.  All I could do was pray—pray continually that God would heal me of this terrible affliction.  The more I prayed, however, the more I noticed the good looking guys on campus!  This realization sent me into a downward spiral of anxiety and depression.

By my third year at Calvin I was growing concerned about my suicidal thoughts, and so I started taking some steps to reach out to others for support.  I joined a new faith-based community which had a big emphasis on people being open and honest with each other, and it was there that I began to tell people about what I was feeling.  This community eventually formed a church, called Christ’s Community Christian Reformed Church.  Well, the people of Christ’s Community responded to me with love and acceptance, for which I am still deeply grateful.  As far as I could tell, however, they all held the traditional view that gay people are sick, and so I continued to hold this view as well.  The thought never even occurred to me that there might be another way to look at being gay.

Until the fall of 1978.  I had attended Calvin for three years, then took three years off, mostly because I was an emotional wreck and couldn’t make sense out of how I could be gay and be a pastor.  By the end of those three years away from college, I once again became convinced that God was calling me to the ministry, and I believed that God would somehow make it all work out.  So I returned to Calvin for my senior year.

In my Thursday post I will tell the story of hearing a shockingly new approach to being gay for the first time.

Twenty Years Later

A Presentation Sponsored by All One Body

On November 8, 2018

Expanded Version

Thank you very much for being here.  I invite you to follow my blog as I post entries twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) in the following weeks and months.  I promise that it will be a fascinating journey!

What’s this blog about?

In May of 1998 Classis Grand Rapids East of the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) “released” me from the ordained ministry.  Why?  No church was willing to call me to my LGBT+ ministry because I had stated my affirmation of faithful, loving gay unions.  This approach was contrary to that of the denomination.

Early this year I mentioned this 20-year anniversary to friends on the board of All One Body, and they graciously agreed to organize an event for me to share some reflections.  We held this event on November 8, and this blog is an expanded version of the remarks I presented that night.

Here’s a brief overview of what I said on November 8 and the blog entries I will post over the course of the next weeks and months.

• Part 1:  Before Twenty Years Ago
• Part 2:  Twenty Years Ago
• Part 3:  Twenty Years Later
• Part 4:  Future Steps

Please note that I will be presenting stories and insights from the past, but I will be doing so with an eye to the future.  I genuinely want my remarks to provide inspiration and ideas for all of us as we work to be more faithful followers of Jesus Christ.

So here we go . . .

Part 1:  Before Twenty Years Ago

I grew up in the suburbs of Grand Rapids, Michigan—in Wyoming near the border of Grandville—in a healthy, happy, faith-filled home.  Our family was Christian Reformed and had deep roots in the CRC.  In fact, my Lucas ancestors immigrated to West Michigan in the mid-1800’s and became founding members of the first Christian Reformed Church in North America, the Graafschap CRC.  My mom immigrated to Michigan in 1948 with her parents and brothers, and they had been devoted members of the CRC’s counterpart in the Netherlands.

When my parents got married, there was no question about what church they would attend.  Of course, it would be the closest CRC.  I was my parents’ first surviving child, and within 6 years my two sisters and brother were born.  My mom and dad were kind, generous, and self-sacrificing.  They took us to church twice every Sunday and also sent us to Sunday School, catechism, and Christian day schools.  I was a really good kid, excelled in my studies, and graduated second from the top of my class at Calvin Christian High.

The story will continue next Monday as I recount my faith in early adulthood and growing recognition that I’m gay.

Notes:

• All One Body works toward the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender members in their church homes.
• Classis Grand Rapids East is a regional body of the Christian Reformed Church in North America.  It is comprised of congregations within an eastern portion Grand Rapids, Michigan.
• LGBT+ is one of a growing number of shorthand ways of referring to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, gender non-binary, or other gender minority.